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Albert Ilyin
Albert Ilyin

[S5E2] The Mortgage



This season sees the gang tackling the global recession in their own selfish, clueless ways, by exploiting the mortgage crisis and taking advantage of the nouveau pauvre homeless people living outside the bar thanks to the 2008 recession to growing the bar's brand by selling merchandise. The gang also follow up on last season's musical episode by putting on a wrestling show for American troops stationed in Afghanistan and Iraq, with Frank also dresses up as a trash man for his wrestling-for-the-troops persona.




[S5E2] The Mortgage



25:23 Emily: This advice from Nell is so valuable. Now, I have to say, first off, many graduate students are not in a position to buy. The vast majority of graduate students are not in a position to buy a home, because several factors have to come together kind of perfectly. You have to live in a housing market where the home prices are not very, very high. You have to have a stipend that is high enough to manage to, you know, qualify for a mortgage in that market. And you have to have some savings place for the down payment and the closing costs, moving costs, these kinds of things. And you have to have good credit. So these things all have to come together. But for some graduate students, it is possible.


Dennis Black is a leader in the mortgage finance industry, bringing his unique coaching/mentor model to the industry since 1988. Dennis has trained more than 150,000 people on the keys to building relationships and making more money in a challenging mortgage environment.


Dinesh: I, my friend, am now part of the green revolution.Gilfoyle: Are you? Most electricity still comes from gas plants and coal-burning smoke stacks. Do you know where your electricity comes from?Dinesh: No. Look how shiny it is. Plus, it has a frunk... A front trunk.Dinesh: Is that a dead pig?Jian-Yang: Yes. It's just like Errich. My corrupt uncle sent a death certificate from China but to send body is too expensive. So... I cremate a pig because a pig is most like a fat human.Richard: Then, that's when my fight-or-flight reflex kicked in.Dinesh: Do you ever fight?Gilfoyle: What we saw was a very oily man in mid-sentence dip down, vomit, and then thrust himself violently face first into a glass wall. But I guess it's a lot less embarrassing the way you explain it.Jared: People don't wanna follow an idea, they wanna follow a leader. Look at the last guy to create a new Internet. Al Gore. His ideas were excellent, but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner, so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy and now he makes apocalypse porn.Jared: When you set your mind to it, you're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met... and I have met Ira Glass.Jean: (referring to Gavin's signature) The signature displayed troubling traits. Left of upright slant, narrow angles, tense strokes, conclusively indicative of sociopathic tendencies. Gavin: What?Jean: Characterized by a lack of empathy and need to dominate, a willingness to hurt others to achieve one's goals. Inability to accept bad news...Gavin: Hoover, get this horrible woman the fuck out of my office, now.Richard: What a day. See, we'd still be finishing up orientation, singing Kumbayas and doing trust falls. But instead, both our Optimoji and Sliceline teams have gone through their first code review.Jared: Well, to be fair, I never would've scheduled trust falls. I mean, you do one of those, you're so jacked up on adrenaline, the rest of the day is basically shot. We were gonna have a noncompetitive talent show with no losers.Judge: Would you characterize Mr. Bachman as a financially responsible man?(Jian-Yang kicks the bucket of ashes)Gilfoyle: Something's wrong with your frunk. It's all frucked up.Dinesh: In Pakistan, dogs are not pets, okay? They're vicious beasts and they chase you down the street and they bite you. My cousin Eftahar lost an ear. Our mayor was very corrupt. But he put poison pills in chicken meat to take care of the dog problem. We hailed him as a hero. We put up statues of him everywhere.Jared: He's violently allergic to dogs. It's another reason for our iron-clad no dog policy.Richard: Jared, when were you planning on telling me all of this?Jared: Day two of orientation. Right after safe space charades.Richard: Jared, uh, you wanted me to unite the teams and I have. They are united against me.Jared: Even the dogs, apparently. I wish they had your fecal fortitude.Gavin: What is this?Dang: Banksy is insisting his signature be on his work.Gavin: This is supposed to be my signature. On what planet does a signature have a signature on it?Gavin: I just fired Banksy.Hoover: Banksy, the vandal?Gavin: The very one.Gilfoyle: Yang. There better not be a Chinaman in my bed.Jian-Yang: That is racist.Gilfoyle: Yes. I am racist.Jian-Yang: Stupid Errich. Big mortgage. Seven credit cards. Not even one with miles. Fucking loser.Jared: When you left, I thought he was fried. Okay? Because his shoulders were all tight, and he wouldn't answer to his name, and his eyes went dead, like when I tell him I love him.Jared: It's amazing. I mean, I feel... I feel like Mary Magdalene on resurrection day. And that's not the greatest miracle of all. Look. Look at the coders. They're all wearing Pied Piper hoodies.Doctor: Hey, buddy boy. Oh, there he is.Richard: (waking up) What's... what's going on?Doctor: Don't flip out, okay? But you have been in a coma for four years.Richard: What?Doctor: That's correct. In fact, I'm a robot. The real Dr. Crawford died heroically in the water wars of 2020. Richard: (confused)Doctor: Jokes, Richard! I'm just joking around. What, did you sell your sense of humor? You've just been out for about six hours. You were not even unconscious, really just asleep. But you did lose a whole lot of blood. I just hope they put the right kind back in.Richard: Wait, are you still riffing?Doctor: I don't know.Jian-Yang: Errich is gone. This is my incubator now.Dinesh: What?Jian-Yang: Your things are over there.Richard: What the fuck?Dinesh: You just took our shit and threw it on the lawn?Jian-Yang: Gilfoyle, you are racist. And Richard... you are ugly. The Errich administration is over.Music"Down the Road " by C2C (End credits music)


NEW YORK, July 14, 2021 /PRNewswire/ -- Morty, the online mortgage marketplace, today announced that it has closed its $25 million Series B financing round, bringing its total investment to date to $38.4 million. March Capital led the round, with participation from Rethink Impact and existing ...


Morty, a NYC-based automated mortgage marketplace, raised $3m in venture capital funding.The round was led by Thrive Capital with participation from SV Angel, FJ Labs, Corigin Ventures, MetaProp, Techstars and angel investors.The company will use the funds to expand nationally in 2017.Foun ...


Phil and Gloria find a coffee place, but it was closed because they were shooting a commercial for a reverse mortgage. The film crew needed a couple to play extras, so Phil and Gloria were happy to do it. And between Gloria hamming it up trying to look "natural" and Phil getting depressed over Luke giving him the cold shoulder as he entered high school, the commercial shoot went over time and way over budget.


According to court docs filed in New Jersey ... Burress and his wife Tiffany stopped forking over mortgage checks on their 5,500 square foot pad back in July 2017 and the bank is looking to collect. 041b061a72


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